When i feel that intensity..........

At times, the feeling comes so strong. I can not see anything else. Al l of a sudden, i see myself hitting the bull's eye. The bow in my hands is light in weight. the arrows on the ground. The ground is bit rough and less of grass. The target is clear and at a distance not far. The action is so perfect. Even before releasing the arrow, i fee like i know where it is going to hit. The bull's eye. Exactly in the middle of bull's eye. I take another arrow and can shoot exactly at the same place again and again. I do not feel like going to the target to pull out the arrows to shoot again. Instead, somehow i always have few more arrows still to shoot. I do not know how long i have this feeling. But once i am done with the feeling, i get great satisfaction of doing a thing exactly the way it has to be done. It gives me immense feeling. It feels like "yes, i lived".

Constructing LIFE

I will build a strong pillar and build a sanctuary around it to support the life of pillar. It is a nice story woven by bringing all elements to one place and placing them at the perfect position and pouring life into them. This is called creation and this is what 'living' is. This is how i keep my life simple. I will use all the developments in the world to make it more beautiful, astounding and magnificent. It will be rummaged at times, there will be floods, and the scorching sun will have its bite. But i will not stop from building it. Moreover, i need the help of all external factors to build the sanctuary. I think that is what i am living for. Beauty attracts me and Creativity mesmerizes me. I am the Human.

This dream

This dream comes to me again and again. This dream asks me to see the meaning of my life. This dream makes me feel very comfortable creating life around it. This makes me feel energetic and enigmatic.

The two kinds of people

There are two kinds of people who do thing excellently. Those who are told to do and those who find what to do. I am the second kind.

Leaders are not born they are made. I am leader

let me keep the complex things simple.

I was an idealist. I did not know where i was going. Now i am an Idealist and a Pragmatic.

The philosophy of dreams

It seems that my today's lofty dreams will be nothing but normal dreams one day. In fact, my dreams, i think look big just because i keep on dreaming. Once the plan is put to action, it should only be simple. Plan for any work should be detail but simple. It should be laid in such a way that if any new one enters or any new incident happens, the plan should be in a position to consider and incorporate it. It should be flexible but not loose.

It seems that the only way to realize this dream is to do it. The only time i can fail 100% is by not doing it. Like many, i won't fail 100% as i am not failing to do it completely. But i may not get the 100% results as i will not put the 100% effort. Day in and DAY out, i will try to reach that level. The dusk is only a reminder to rest a while to continue again at dawn. The true success and the true dream should also include the pain of dream. It starts on Monday and goes till Saturday with breaks in between. It is short. Tomorrow has to be predicted. Today has to be checked for how aligned with our prediction. It should always be pushed. Never to be done with comfort. The challenge has to be confronted. The challenge is an opportunity. Has to be understood with proper respect. I need to get the approval and respect of intelligent people. They hold the key to all success. They share. They waiting. They willing.

If lot of information is pushed, all this new information makes it feel that it is confusing. Nothing seems to come to memory immediately. The logic and reason fails to take place without command. But, given time, it settles soon. So it is always important to finish first and give little bit less than enough time to get it back. Compete with yourself. Compete for memory. Memory can only help intelligence. If memory is not brought to help the intelligence and logic, it curses the brilliancy and makes the man an idiot insanely.

Going to be a tough day

Today, i think is going to be a tough day. I have 50 Questions to do. Around 25 from Anatomy and the remaining from Physiology. As i am doing these blocks without reading in advance, i will get low score at first. That is OK. But i have to do these again and should get score from 90-100%. That should be the average retaining potential.

I will post again at the end of the day.

the grains of sand

I know one day, you will be gone. One day you will never be there. Why should we fight? Of course, we can not love each other also. The time will pass on so fast that we will never know how fast it came and how fast it went away. One day, you will just be a distant memory. Far away, neither i can forget, nor i can recollect. The grains of sand slipped through my fingers. Did i let the sand slip through or was it the sand that wanted to slip through? Do we need to prove? Do we need to point the finger? Do we need an answer? The result is still the same- you are still a distant dream.

I looked around. There is no one. There is no one as i looked for their presence. It is not a dark night. Neither the day is bright. It is gloomy. But the things are clear. But i still do not see anyone around. I felt alone. It did not frighten me. But it made me feel strange. I am not surprised. But i was thinking. It is a strange feeling. Though i am furious superficially, i am feeling a deep sense of movement underneath like that of a slow moving underwater current. I am not mad at others as i have no right. I am not cursing others except myself. I do not like this place. It is no where near where i wanted to be. Did i come all this long without noticing it? May be i am. It is said that no one can make you walk unless you let them. Then it is me who walked all the way. I do not like it. It is also said that it is a choice we make and we make the choice when we are presented with a chance. It is a choice that we make and wait preparing for the chance. In this sense it looks there is nothing like "it happened to me". It can only be like "i was preparing for it and waited for the chance". The choice making is not an option you can leave if you do not understand. It will switch automatically among all the choices that we have. If you do not pick 'yes', you automatically picked 'no'. It won't ask you. It won't tell you. But it will make special arrangements so that you can not misunderstand it. It looks rude but you were rude in applying the choice you made. Does the question why come now? i do not think so. why? i do not know.

Two kinds of people in the world

There are two kinds of people in the world. Though we think that people are same. They are not. People are not equal. They differ in actions. As different actions bring different results, so do the actions of all the people. Some actions are dramatic, some are completely different. In a complete perspective, the actions of intellectuals reverberate strongly. No one cares about the weak. Though people help, support and fight for the weak.

The intellectuals and strong people can fight for themselves. With their power, people get attracted to them and believe in them. The intellectuals have more chance to survive. They can build that system. The weak can not support themselves. They are dependent. This again makes them weak. A vicious cycle.

It is not what it wants

If i see clearly, i can say clearly that the minor things i do thinking that is what i want are not the things the brain really wants. It really asks for challenge. Of course, it is afraid but of course, it is not incapable. It really wants clarity. Minor things - i am sure it is not what it wants. better we stop testing it's patience. It will stop trying to help us and we will forget it's presence in due course.

The method has to incorporate more challenges

It has to be done. It has to be done for the purpose of pride. It has to be done to understand what is the true nature of education. To understand how we can increase the level of performance. How we can mesmerize the world with the power of success. In the beginning no one will recognize us. It is good as we can work alone. As i progress, i need to improve more.

The current pattern of my study has some problems. Something is wrong. Either my definition of how to work, when to work and how well to work and when to take rest. My definitions are not giving me the required results. I am not happy. I want to finish the chapters with more confidence. The mode of my preparation when i started for USMLE is different from my current mode. It has to be improved definitely. I know i am doing better than many but i am not happy with myself. My two true definitions of education. One, that i have to understand the subject clearly. Second, i have to perform excellently in exams with no exceptions.

I will change it from tomorrow. The first two weeks of preparation was good as i had clear idea about what to study. As i started to study more and more topics and as my knowledge has increased, my focus has changed meanwhile. The level of dedication decreased little bit. To be frank, i am not happy with this. I will add something that will challenge me. It has to inspire me and at the same time should challenge me severely. It has to test me severely now itself so that i can take the final exams with eased difficulty.

The final exam is definitely difficult. I know that a minor mistake will bring a major disaster "And I can not Afford It"

Started preparing for USMLE Step 1. The whole anatomy of preparing for exam is different. Studied this morning for 2 hrs. and discussed the already read topics with other people. made me feel happy. Brain needs continuous training. It tries to take more liberty than it should. It is the same brain that feels happy and proud for studying well and working hard and it is the same brain that wants to enjoy in such a way that will come in and interfere with its own way of success. It is not different from me. It is me. But it seems that it has to be trained as we train the body. It tries to act differently from what we want. But if we tell it strictly on how to act, it will follow obediently. It is interesting at the same time frightening. It is interesting because if we can understand it, we can control it the way we want. It is frightening because we do not know what we control it for and what consequences we may need to face for trying to control it. What if the brain opposes our attempt to understand it because if we can understand it, we can control it. The situation will be a complete chaos. we will be fighting with ourselves.

Can we understand how brain acts on us by pampering it and waiting for it to get accustom to us rather than forcing it to open it self up. It also seems that we have two parts (functional) in our brain. one wants to work hard, be sincere and achieve success. The other wants to enjoy the beauty of nature, feel the pleasure and experience the ecstasy. I do not know about others, but i get a feeling that the enjoying part of my brain does want some kind of non-productive, short lived ecstasy. I can sense that it wants true feeling. Feeling beyond the day to day life. Feeling that last for long and that give you a holistic satisfaction.