Did I use intellectualization to cover up?

Did I use intellectualization to cover my short coming? My effort to analyze failure - was it a decoy to cover my laziness to work hard? Am I lazy?

What to do now? I dont know.

Am I stretching things too much. Is it the reason why I have failed?  What good will it be even if I pursue? But if I leave, how do I know whether I am leaving out of fear or to TRULY start again?

To be...

To be the most aggressive, but never threatening
To be the most competitive, but never belittling
To be the most focused, but never ignoring