Insanely Brutal and most Modest

Let's be insanely brutal in our work but be most modest in our words.

Tasting the success

I have lived through failure and tasted it's bitterness. It created inferiority, subordination, self pity and lost of friends and loved ones.  Now, let me taste how it feels to succeed insanely.

Philosophy

Philosophy is nothing but simplicity and pragmatism at microscopic level.

It is simple but tough. That's it.

A Burning desire, not just passion.

Then I realized, it is not sufficient to work. One needs to have a burning desire to achieve and possess a particular skill out and out by himself. Yes. The desire must burn him from with in. I am not talking here about passion or enthusiasm but a burning desire so strong that it miffs everything else including the basic things like hunger and sleep.

Having said that, my friend, a wild enthusiasm creates a burning desire. 

Burning desire, not just passion.

Then I realized, it is not sufficient to work. One needs to have a burning desire to achieve and possess a particular skill out and out by himself. Yes. The desire must burn him from with in. I am not talking here about passion or enthusiasm but a burning desire so strong that it miffs everything else including the hunger.

Prisoner of restrictions

I am still a prisoner of my own restrictions.

One last one

There is one life. One dream. One objective. One goal. One last breath. One last sight. One final achievement. Only one grandiosity. Only One last goodbye.
Only one thing.  Only one. ..... Me.

Love

"Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the "love" of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her."  ----- The Power of Now

Yesterday, Tomorrow & Now

Yesterday is an illusion. It does not exist anywhere except in memory.  Tomorrow is the projection of anticipation that depends to a great extent on memory. Both yesterday and tomorrow, to be real, can exist only in 'now' - the very precise current moment.

The Outer and Inner Purpose

"Your outer journey may contain a million steps; your inner journey only has one: the step you are taking right now. As you become more deeply aware of this one step, you realize that it already contains within itself all the other steps as well as the destination. This one step then becomes transformed into an expression of perfection, an act of great beauty and quality. It will have taken you into Being, and the light of Being will shine through it. This is both the purpose and the fulfillment of your inner journey, the journey into yourself. Does it matter whether we achieve our outer purpose, whether we succeed or fail in the world? It will matter to you as long as you haven't realized your inner purpose. After that, the outer purpose is just a game that you may continue to play simply because you enjoy it. It is also possible to fail completely in your outer purpose and at the same time totally succeed in your inner purpose. Or the other way around, which is actually more common: outer riches and inner poverty, or to "gain the world and lose your soul," as Jesus puts it. Ultimately, of course, every outer purpose is doomed to "fail" sooner or later, simply because it is subject to the law of impermanence of all things. The sooner you realize that your outer purpose cannot give you lasting fulfillment, the better. When you have seen the limitations of your outer purpose, you give up your unrealistic expectation that it should make you happy, and you make it subservient to your inner purpose. " ---- The Power of Now

I am going to be obsolete in next 6-8 months

I think if I can not secure a position in a good branch of medical post graduation in the next 6-8 months, my whole existence will become obsolete. It will happen for sure if I don't change the outcome in time.

The only reason I did not understand something

The only reason I could understand and retain something was the fact that I did not spend enough amount of quality time for that topic.

Illusion of early syllabus completion.

When we finish the chapters fast, we get the feeling that we can finish the syllabus early and vice versa.  But the truth is only the concept that is already known either partially or completely can be finished fast.

Creation vs. Improvement

Not everything could be created but everything could be improved.

Targets while studying

We must never set a target like "I will finish 160 question today" it is a wrong target.  Rather the target should be something like " I should be able to recollect what I am studying today and in the process I should not be lax most of the times and there should not be any passive reading".

Shifting the target for better results

Rather than giving my self a target of finishing the chapter or a concept in particular time with particular result, it seems the more productive would be give my self a target of being able to focus continuously in a relaxed manner. The target is to be able to read and understand the next paragraph, the next page and the next concept. It should include no wasting of time but also no wandering of thoughts. The total time to finish the chapter is flexible, the pace could also be flexible but the approach of doing things smoothly one after the other with no wandering of thought is not flexible. I should be able to understand the concept and reciprocate what I am studying even though I am not able to recollect each and every line precisely. I should be able to continue the momentum with genuine effort. 

Late night sleeps

If I sleep late in the night, I am not able to do things actively the whole next day. This happens even if I finish a 6-8hrs of continuous sleep almost till the afternoon. I feel drowsy.

I can not follow a target

It seems I can not fix myself to a target. Whatever the target I chose to accomplish I leave it in the middle or I become slow and miss the target. Either I am wrong in understanding the practicality of achieving the target or I am just not capable of sticking to the schedule when it becomes too hectic. Missing the targets happening again and again. So, it seems that I will miss my goal also. Missing the goal is certainly going to devastating. It could not be redone as the time would also be over. This is a serious threat to my mission.

Presumedly well studied concepts and the non revision.

The concept that I have read well makes me to be less enthusiastic to revise that subject. This lessened enthusiasm is going to be there for a long time. I read ENT well. But I did not revise it in the last 6 months. When I said read well, I did neither study the topic related to CSOM nor did the question bank. It's like half of the total prep related to ENT is not done at least once.