It isn't a sufficiently strong purpose to make you form the habit of doing the things you don't like to do for the very simple reasons that it is easier to adjust ourselves to the hardships of a poor living than it is to adjust ourselves to the hardships of making a better one. If you doubt me, just think of all the things you are willing to go without in order to avoid doing the things you don't like to do.

He insulted me.

He insulted me. Yes. I am not mistaken. He did insult me. He did it. He said " your choices are wrong". He said it around 3-4 times at different times. I remember. He said "3-4 books chadivi book raseddamanukunte aipodu. Anta dammunte choopinchu" "prativokkadu topu ani anukuntadu" " neelo kooda facebook zuckenberg and Microsoft billgates anta skill unte choopinchu" neeku anta vundi anukuntunnava? Anta ledu.. vunte ikkade choopinchu. Cheta kake vellipotunnav kada.

Hard work is unavoidable both for manual labour and thoughtful research but only the above parallel work is awarded. 

Both less skilled and supra par works are hard works. Both only the later gets praise, award and reward.

If we have the conviction that we can relax, we will convince ourselves to relax more than required. The brain plays the trick. It's similar to the concept of 'threshold of pain' which is always subjective, which can constantly be improved and which most of the times, if left unchecked, gives sub-par results in long run.

Should we ignore everyone?

In our pursuit, should we ignore everyone? Should we denounce everyone? The answer is both 'yes' and 'no'. It depends on both the time and the need of the hour.

It is 'no' for most of the times. However a 'no' does not mean that we have to be with all the people for a long durations of time (the option 'all the time' is not even considered). We just have to be there only til the time needed. Nothing more nothing less.  But we should keep in mind that our job comes first because it is our responsibility not some one else's.  We agreed, we promised to do our job, so we should do. If our job gives even a little amount of relief, we should have the courtesy to call the people and wish them. No one is too busy for that.

The answer is 'yes' because our work comes first.  We have to say no to others in a nice way.  We have to say no to ourselves also to get the work done with in time frame to get the intended results.

What we do when we don't feel like doing decides what we are.  In life, we get what we are but not what we wish or cherish for. What we are is the action part and What we want is the planning part.  Planning is not acting. Too much planning is detrimental to action.

Moods swing but the time does not.  We can not wait for the right mood to start working especially when it's our work.  So profound is the time that it neither waits, nor changes for any one or for anything in this universe.

The main problems while studying continuously

The main problems been the first one studying the same material creates boredom the next one is problems with body posture even if we sit in the best posture the straight posture in a chair creates pain or discomfort after sometime say 3 to 4 hours. The problem is the sleepiness or tiredness the get after sometime and at times even after taking food this second problem extremely difficult to control. 

There should be a it is i need to know hindi able to reciprocate again and again and whenever i ask . It is a difficult thing to do though looks very simple. We have to do it again and again. It is boring

Home sick

For the first time in life I am home sick. I just want to go home.

There can be many great ideas, but there can only be one great execution.

Doing things at ease and comfort is a highly over rated delusion.

You are always judged and u do the same all the time.

U are judged and u will always be judged. It is not a bad thing. It is not negative. Even you always judge yourself. you feel elated if you bring the results and get bit disappointed if you fail to bring results. there is nothing like 'partial result'. Either you got the result or not. That's it. If you say, there is a thing like 'partial result', you are just not clear of the results.

You not only judge yourself but you judge others also. it is constant and continuous process. you might not be judging who is the best. you may call it understanding in common sense. you may call it finding whether a physician good or not. you wont go to a physician with  out knowing whether he is good or not. you may choose his service in emergency. in that situations, the only reason being it to be an emergency. u dont have an option.

if you are saying that your friend is a good person, you judged him against its complimentary - 'not being so good'. we, most of the times, do not try to judge a person whether good or bad but whether a person good or not so charmingly good (in other words - average).

In your life, if you want to be 'not a bad person', you will become that. if you want to be a 'not the worst performer', you will become that. Do not misunderstand that you will become good person by wanting to be 'not a bad person' and a good performer by wanting to become 'not a worst performer'. you can become either a good or a best performer only by saying it so.

After all, what you tell yourself is just the first step in becoming what you tell yourself. what you really become depends on what you do (which gets greatly influenced by what you tell yourself). it is the action that decided what you will be. what you are now is a result of what you did so far. if you are a well talking person with low results, that's what you did so far- at least in the last few yrs.

I am my own Nemesis

I have become my own nemesis.
If there is anyone who is pulling me down, it is me. I reject all the people who come to help and have built my defences so  strong that I deny to see the inevitable downfall.

Did I use intellectualization to cover up?

Did I use intellectualization to cover my short coming? My effort to analyze failure - was it a decoy to cover my laziness to work hard? Am I lazy?

What to do now? I dont know.

Am I stretching things too much. Is it the reason why I have failed?  What good will it be even if I pursue? But if I leave, how do I know whether I am leaving out of fear or to TRULY start again?

To be...

To be the most aggressive, but never threatening
To be the most competitive, but never belittling
To be the most focused, but never ignoring

Clouds of Tar

When the dark clouds of tar.. drench me in full
The gloom of present .. engulfs my mind
The light of shine.. wanes into darkness
My soul crumbles, cripples.. making a cruch into fetal position.

Fear is not much frightening
Sorrow drags into the back row
Tumbling and crawling, comes front the spirit
To take an oath to leap forth.

No right, no wrong, the world is full of both
Every cloud has a broad darkness
Cruel, the nature, full of kindness
We bask in both. Day in and day out.

The good of past, a hallucination in current
The memories are a kiss on cheek with a slap on the other
I love both while leaning towards one.

Courage wakes me again, pulling up strength
Darkness still around. Far is the light.
Mind fixed, I take a step in the darkness
Long way my friend, long way ahead.

- O

Project D50 - Derustication

Duty

I am bound by duty. I am relieved by completion of the task. The maximum free time and energy that i can get are only from saving these two by finishing my duty as a human as early as possible. Should i be the youngest in reaching what others take may be more than 20yrs? I think i will be. It seems possible.