the grains of sand

I know one day, you will be gone. One day you will never be there. Why should we fight? Of course, we can not love each other also. The time will pass on so fast that we will never know how fast it came and how fast it went away. One day, you will just be a distant memory. Far away, neither i can forget, nor i can recollect. The grains of sand slipped through my fingers. Did i let the sand slip through or was it the sand that wanted to slip through? Do we need to prove? Do we need to point the finger? Do we need an answer? The result is still the same- you are still a distant dream.

I looked around. There is no one. There is no one as i looked for their presence. It is not a dark night. Neither the day is bright. It is gloomy. But the things are clear. But i still do not see anyone around. I felt alone. It did not frighten me. But it made me feel strange. I am not surprised. But i was thinking. It is a strange feeling. Though i am furious superficially, i am feeling a deep sense of movement underneath like that of a slow moving underwater current. I am not mad at others as i have no right. I am not cursing others except myself. I do not like this place. It is no where near where i wanted to be. Did i come all this long without noticing it? May be i am. It is said that no one can make you walk unless you let them. Then it is me who walked all the way. I do not like it. It is also said that it is a choice we make and we make the choice when we are presented with a chance. It is a choice that we make and wait preparing for the chance. In this sense it looks there is nothing like "it happened to me". It can only be like "i was preparing for it and waited for the chance". The choice making is not an option you can leave if you do not understand. It will switch automatically among all the choices that we have. If you do not pick 'yes', you automatically picked 'no'. It won't ask you. It won't tell you. But it will make special arrangements so that you can not misunderstand it. It looks rude but you were rude in applying the choice you made. Does the question why come now? i do not think so. why? i do not know.

Two kinds of people in the world

There are two kinds of people in the world. Though we think that people are same. They are not. People are not equal. They differ in actions. As different actions bring different results, so do the actions of all the people. Some actions are dramatic, some are completely different. In a complete perspective, the actions of intellectuals reverberate strongly. No one cares about the weak. Though people help, support and fight for the weak.

The intellectuals and strong people can fight for themselves. With their power, people get attracted to them and believe in them. The intellectuals have more chance to survive. They can build that system. The weak can not support themselves. They are dependent. This again makes them weak. A vicious cycle.

It is not what it wants

If i see clearly, i can say clearly that the minor things i do thinking that is what i want are not the things the brain really wants. It really asks for challenge. Of course, it is afraid but of course, it is not incapable. It really wants clarity. Minor things - i am sure it is not what it wants. better we stop testing it's patience. It will stop trying to help us and we will forget it's presence in due course.

The method has to incorporate more challenges

It has to be done. It has to be done for the purpose of pride. It has to be done to understand what is the true nature of education. To understand how we can increase the level of performance. How we can mesmerize the world with the power of success. In the beginning no one will recognize us. It is good as we can work alone. As i progress, i need to improve more.

The current pattern of my study has some problems. Something is wrong. Either my definition of how to work, when to work and how well to work and when to take rest. My definitions are not giving me the required results. I am not happy. I want to finish the chapters with more confidence. The mode of my preparation when i started for USMLE is different from my current mode. It has to be improved definitely. I know i am doing better than many but i am not happy with myself. My two true definitions of education. One, that i have to understand the subject clearly. Second, i have to perform excellently in exams with no exceptions.

I will change it from tomorrow. The first two weeks of preparation was good as i had clear idea about what to study. As i started to study more and more topics and as my knowledge has increased, my focus has changed meanwhile. The level of dedication decreased little bit. To be frank, i am not happy with this. I will add something that will challenge me. It has to inspire me and at the same time should challenge me severely. It has to test me severely now itself so that i can take the final exams with eased difficulty.

The final exam is definitely difficult. I know that a minor mistake will bring a major disaster "And I can not Afford It"

Started preparing for USMLE Step 1. The whole anatomy of preparing for exam is different. Studied this morning for 2 hrs. and discussed the already read topics with other people. made me feel happy. Brain needs continuous training. It tries to take more liberty than it should. It is the same brain that feels happy and proud for studying well and working hard and it is the same brain that wants to enjoy in such a way that will come in and interfere with its own way of success. It is not different from me. It is me. But it seems that it has to be trained as we train the body. It tries to act differently from what we want. But if we tell it strictly on how to act, it will follow obediently. It is interesting at the same time frightening. It is interesting because if we can understand it, we can control it the way we want. It is frightening because we do not know what we control it for and what consequences we may need to face for trying to control it. What if the brain opposes our attempt to understand it because if we can understand it, we can control it. The situation will be a complete chaos. we will be fighting with ourselves.

Can we understand how brain acts on us by pampering it and waiting for it to get accustom to us rather than forcing it to open it self up. It also seems that we have two parts (functional) in our brain. one wants to work hard, be sincere and achieve success. The other wants to enjoy the beauty of nature, feel the pleasure and experience the ecstasy. I do not know about others, but i get a feeling that the enjoying part of my brain does want some kind of non-productive, short lived ecstasy. I can sense that it wants true feeling. Feeling beyond the day to day life. Feeling that last for long and that give you a holistic satisfaction.

My 1st half of life is over

I am 26 right now. I lived half of my life. I learned very important things. I thoroughly searched for the meaning of life in the past 5 yrs. In the process, i picked up the path of high resistance to overcome the resistance. I picked up the path of failure to understand not only what is failure but also what is success. Some people say i am crazy. Why one should pickup path of failure to understand the path of success?

I was completely aware from the time i was in elementary school in India, I always had the question "why i should read the way it is?". I was aware of the fact that having good scores in he exams, being one of the active student in the school were indeed not the characters of many, but why all these factors should have a role?

I was afraid to question all these. I was afraid in the fear of loosing my skills. I was afraid what my parents will think of me. I was afraid of failure.

It is completely clear that the essence of life is not living a successful life, but is leaving a legacy to the world. A legacy that is not short, a legacy that is not just a fairy tale, a legacy that is not just yielded once but a legacy that will live even after i die, a legacy that lives and empowers the humanity for the coming generations irrespective of nationality and religion.

Can it happen? Can i do this?

This has been the question for the past 3yrs. The answer is "YES". But to make it a reality, i should be a credible person.

So how to make myself credible?

A dream or a reality?

Hi everybody,

hope everyone had good Christmas.

Today, let me talk little bit more about how the journey will be for the next 5 months. It will be packed up and i certain that it will be in complete accordance with my life time goals. Goals that do not just have a short term correlation but also long term impact.

In addition to following the classes and getting a GPA of 'A', i will also prepare for my USMLE Step1
Writing USMLE is not the main point but getting a great score. How can i do this? Can i do this? will it be just a dream or a reality in the next by the end of June?

see you
Dr.Ravi

let me start by saying that i want to continue as a physician who has managerial skills also.  This is what i have been telling for a long time. People laugh at me when i say this is the way how we can resolve the problem of effective management. 

When a patient comes to a physician, it is not only the disease but also the patient as a whole we have to treat. It is same with hospitals also. It is good to have expert managers and Physicians in the hospital but also but the physician should understand the managerial aspects clearly. 

My MBA is going to help me understand all these but i am worried whether people can understand what i am trying to do.

next post will be after few days.....