Then I realized, it is not sufficient to work. One needs to have a burning desire to achieve and possess a particular skill out and out by himself. Yes. The desire must burn him from with in. I am not talking here about passion or enthusiasm but a burning desire so strong that it miffs everything else including the basic things like hunger and sleep.
Having said that, my friend, a wild enthusiasm creates a burning desire.
Then I realized, it is not sufficient to work. One needs to have a burning desire to achieve and possess a particular skill out and out by himself. Yes. The desire must burn him from with in. I am not talking here about passion or enthusiasm but a burning desire so strong that it miffs everything else including the hunger.
There is one life. One dream. One objective. One goal. One last breath. One last sight. One final achievement. Only one grandiosity. Only One last goodbye.
Only one thing. Only one. ..... Me.
"Love is not selective, just as the light of the sun is not selective. It does not make one person special. It is not exclusive. Exclusivity is not the love of God but the "love" of ego. However, the intensity with which true love is felt can vary. There may be one person who reflects your love back to you more clearly and more intensely than others, and if that person feels the same toward you, it can be said that you are in a love relationship with him or her." ----- The Power of Now
Yesterday is an illusion. It does not exist anywhere except in memory. Tomorrow is the projection of anticipation that depends to a great extent on memory. Both yesterday and tomorrow, to be real, can exist only in 'now' - the very precise current moment.
"Your outer journey may contain a million steps; your inner journey only has one: the step you are taking right now. As you become more deeply aware of this one step, you realize that it already contains within itself all the other steps as well as the destination. This one step then becomes transformed into an expression of perfection, an act of great beauty and quality. It will have taken you into Being, and the light of Being will shine through it. This is both the purpose and the fulfillment of your inner journey, the journey into yourself. Does it matter whether we achieve our outer purpose, whether we succeed or fail in the world? It will matter to you as long as you haven't realized your inner purpose. After that, the outer purpose is just a game that you may continue to play simply because you enjoy it. It is also possible to fail completely in your outer purpose and at the same time totally succeed in your inner purpose. Or the other way around, which is actually more common: outer riches and inner poverty, or to "gain the world and lose your soul," as Jesus puts it. Ultimately, of course, every outer purpose is doomed to "fail" sooner or later, simply because it is subject to the law of impermanence of all things. The sooner you realize that your outer purpose cannot give you lasting fulfillment, the better. When you have seen the limitations of your outer purpose, you give up your unrealistic expectation that it should make you happy, and you make it subservient to your inner purpose. " ---- The Power of Now
I think if I can not secure a position in a good branch of medical post graduation in the next 6-8 months, my whole existence will become obsolete. It will happen for sure if I don't change the outcome in time.
The only reason I could understand and retain something was the fact that I did not spend enough amount of quality time for that topic.
When we finish the chapters fast, we get the feeling that we can finish the syllabus early and vice versa. But the truth is only the concept that is already known either partially or completely can be finished fast.
We must never set a target like "I will finish 160 question today" it is a wrong target. Rather the target should be something like " I should be able to recollect what I am studying today and in the process I should not be lax most of the times and there should not be any passive reading".
Rather than giving my self a target of finishing the chapter or a concept in particular time with particular result, it seems the more productive would be give my self a target of being able to focus continuously in a relaxed manner. The target is to be able to read and understand the next paragraph, the next page and the next concept. It should include no wasting of time but also no wandering of thoughts. The total time to finish the chapter is flexible, the pace could also be flexible but the approach of doing things smoothly one after the other with no wandering of thought is not flexible. I should be able to understand the concept and reciprocate what I am studying even though I am not able to recollect each and every line precisely. I should be able to continue the momentum with genuine effort.
If I sleep late in the night, I am not able to do things actively the whole next day. This happens even if I finish a 6-8hrs of continuous sleep almost till the afternoon. I feel drowsy.
It seems I can not fix myself to a target. Whatever the target I chose to accomplish I leave it in the middle or I become slow and miss the target. Either I am wrong in understanding the practicality of achieving the target or I am just not capable of sticking to the schedule when it becomes too hectic. Missing the targets happening again and again. So, it seems that I will miss my goal also. Missing the goal is certainly going to devastating. It could not be redone as the time would also be over. This is a serious threat to my mission.
The concept that I have read well makes me to be less enthusiastic to revise that subject. This lessened enthusiasm is going to be there for a long time. I read ENT well. But I did not revise it in the last 6 months. When I said read well, I did neither study the topic related to CSOM nor did the question bank. It's like half of the total prep related to ENT is not done at least once.
Mood is not something that seems to be something that i can control (at least now). Because there are times where I can study very effectively. The pages just flow. It's like hurricane. I can understand everything and feel like i can recollect easily everything. It just happens. It happens at times. I can not choose for it to happen but I have observed that it happens more frequently before exams and some absolute deadlines. When it happens, all the other works step back including the long due sleep. The adrenaline rushes. While it's happening, most of the times, I don't turn the pages back to recollect and revise but I just follow it because it just flows.
Also, the fast paced reading happens successfully might be because the objective is short term memory.
After 3-4hrs of this rapid pace reading, everything becomes so tiresome.
But the topics learned from adrenaline mood are difficult to recollect unless they are already read.
My failure , it seems, at most of the times is not directly because of negligence or incapability but because of my own action of under performance resulting in gross dissatisfaction and subsequent anger and hurt that I create against myself.
After sometime, to avoid the un joyful feeling of not being able to reach my target and finish the task, I indulge in activities like watching movies continuously or have a party or watch YouTube for long hours. So that I can forget the task it self and tell myself that it could not been achieved anyways. Not I reassign my self a new task and do the same. It has become more like a habit.
The last hrs of my study schedule are more productive than the initial hours. May be it is because I know in the beginning that I have lot of time.
There will be this one basic question that's not clearly answered or not clearly given on which you want to memorize or understand the whole concept. You research and able to concretely understand all the other information related to the concept except that one. Ex. PCI in STEMI has to be done in a PCI available hospital (if the patient was brought there directly) with in 90 min. But it is no where explained neither by the professor nor by the AHA what to do incase we administer thrombolytics with in 30 min. Should we go with PCI later?
